Today is Robert's birthday. Technically. For me, it is actually in the morning his day starts-- but he is halfway around the world from me right now and his morning sun is already bright in the sky. I sent him an email to wish him a happy day. I have no idea if I will be able to talk to him on this day. I did get the briefest of moments that I was able to IM with him, but it was cut very short by his Internet closing out. This could mean so many things.. but on this day I will only allow it to mean that there was a power surge and they lost Internet connection.
This is not the first time I have spent a birthday without Robert around. Life lessons assure me this wont be my last. However, this is the first time I have had to wonder what a birthday for my husband must be like when he has to wear an armored vest all day and watch where he steps as he carries a grenade launcher and rifle. I will never again complain about how heavy my purse is. This is the first time I cant call him a million times a day and sing to him in my best Marilyn voice and call him birthday boy.
And this is certainly the first time I have had to fear for his actual safety on his birthday. I guess like they say, there is a first time for everything.
And yet-- life goes on. I still have to wake up in the morning and feed the kids and shuttle them off to school. I still have to do the morning rush of activities and afternoon pick up chaos. I will still need to make dinner. And while he will certainly fill my thoughts throughout the day.. life still marches on. As he is so fond of saying-- its just another day.
Such is our life these days.
This is me.. clutching the Zen.
